Wednesday, January 17, 2007
lemon supernova posted @10:36 PM
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Tuesday, November 28, 2006
How can some people be happy if it causes others pain?
I'm trying to be strong. Promise. I just wish it doesn't feel like someone's sprinkling salt on my wounds.
It is, sad.
lemon supernova posted @7:23 AM
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Monday, October 23, 2006
I miss you.
lemon supernova posted @11:49 AM
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Thursday, October 19, 2006
Para sa mga nangangamusta sa akin ukol sa Compre:
Ang utak ko ay isang kolander.
**************
Sure honey, I'll update you. Whatever you say.
What the FUCK for?!
Gawd, I miss you
terribly.
But see, you get to have it easy. You've her on your side, should you feel like it, you get to play nice and ask how I am.
In case you don't realize, I'm dealing with the pain ALONE. Which sucks. A lot.
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Please gawd, something good has to come up what with the emotional roller coaster I've to put up with lately. I'm sick of politicizing everything I say or think or do. I mean it when I said I just wanna curl up in a corner and become a vacuum.
Tomorrow after noon, expect me to be nodding off at Tagaytay Highlands with a sickening amount of alcohol.
lemon supernova posted @7:34 AM
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Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Nakakalasing tong panic mode.
To smug, catty women,
Bug off. You won na eh. What more do you want? At least allow me to maintain this facade that I'm doing okay.
Ndi ako makatulog, makakain ng maayos at pinakimportante sa lahat, hindi ako MAKAARAL. This is my COMPRE EXAM! Panalo kayo sa timing! Pwamis!
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I held back on account of a very dear friend. But I guess I'm gonna lose her anyway. How the fuck am iI gonna tell her my side of Tuesday? And shit, what if I'm being OA over this?
Pero hindi eh. It's not a good joke. Whatever choices I made in my life, I don't deserve that.
I wanna throw up, curl undercovers and turn into a vacuum.
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Nakakapagod. At andaya din.
Ang hirap mgexplain sa isang nakakatanda na kelangan siya lagi ang tama. You have to defer to his world of theories. And you can't put him down coz you're supposed to help him rebuild his life.
lemon supernova posted @2:13 AM
What my family said upon learning the incident more than makes up for the pain I’m experiencing now.
Ate Beth, my yaya is ready to go to war: “Tarant#@*! yan ah. Hayaan mo natatandaan ko ang mukha nya!”
Kuya Aldo too, his naturally protective male Joson ego hurt: “Akin na pangalan! Ipakukulong natin!”
My saintly mom, shakes her head in dismay: “Minsan lang mgcommute eh.”
I was already apprehensive as I climbed the jeepney. Houses passed by, and I took note how the jeepney driver was an impatient one, making hasty detours at the slightest hint of traffic. But since the ride from Suki Market to Dapitan Gate of UST was just short, I decided to ignore my uneasiness.
Silly, silly me.
“Manong, sa tabi lang po.”
I had both feet on the ground and was about to turn to the safe side of the street when the driver spotted an oncoming jeep approaching. The one he's beaten at the previous red light.
Lucky lucky me, I still had my hand on the handle.
Remember Michael J. Fox at Back to the Future 3? When Marty McFly met the descendant of Biff? I kinda did that for about 5 terrifying seconds.
As if in a dream, I reported to myself what was happening in hyperspeed - “Ouch my hand’s sliding. Ouch, that was my butt. Ouch, I’m being dragged. I can’t let go of the bars else I’ll be catapulted to the air or I'll roll over and over and hit another vehicle! Ouch again, my knees. Hmm, good thing I wore jeans today. Oh darn, my new floral shoes. There’s an oncoming jeepney! The jeep stopped. Ouch, I was dragged by a jeepney with a crazy driver. I’m shaking. Get up Marisse. Get the hell up.”
Think all the passengers shouted at the driver. Think every bystander at Dapitan too. Boy, was I the highlight of everybody’s Saturday.
So the driver was saying sorry “Pasensya na ho ala pong backview mirror, hindi ko kayo nakita. Pasensya na ho.”
Why would somebody drive without a backview mirror, I have absolutely no idea. A voice told me I should get the driver’s name, his vehicle’s plate no., and have the incident reported to the proper authorities.
Guess what ol’ Marisse did?
“Manong, sa susunod dahan dahan naman kayo, ok?”
Okay.
I moved on. I have stuff to do at Grad School.
I’ve got cold compresses for the bruises. I'm never good at useless recriminations anyway. I’ll
live. There are deeper hurts.
lemon supernova posted @1:51 AM
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Saturday, April 08, 2006
It’s bad enough that you would soon sail to far waters.
The least that you could do is not to give me away.
I feel like the one I’ve been deeply attached to long time ago no longer exists. He’s been replaced by someone who dismisses easily the essential, the simple and lasting.
I am silent not because I can’t answer back. I am trying to be polite. In deference to what once was. In deference to your memory.
A scarier thought. What if he was never the good man you thought he was Marisse? What if he’s always been like this?
You were right when you said “Magkaiba ang mundo natin.”
I can’t understand you anymore.
lemon supernova posted @5:29 PM
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Thursday, January 26, 2006
On KindnessMy Kuya Aldo calls me manic-depressive. I guess that’s coz I’m always taken with extremes.
After the New Year incident, I feel like the world is allowing me to redeem my inability to help the beggar child with the opportunities given to me at work.
As part of the External Affairs’ 2006 action plan, there is a need for proper synchronization of the company’s community support programs and a review of the donation policies. Good tasks of course. I’m excited to take part in implementing those changes.
I wish I have a frozen heart while I do it though. When I read letters encoded using a typewriter from some far-flung school asking for computers, I get heavy hearted. But at least my job helps me feel that I’m not at all useless amidst much misery. Pity is such a waste of time if one does not do anything
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On second thought…
“I’ve learned that to be kind is more important than to be right. That sometimes, a person’s need is not a brilliant mind that speaks but a patient heart that listens.”
I got this text from Mom a long time ago. Good ol mom. She’s a saint really. Even when I was still a kid, she has already taught me to keep my mouth shut if I feel like saying something hurtful.
I agree with her then and I’ve tried following that advice that most of the time.
Lately, though, I don’t know if keeping the silence is a good thing. I worry for many persons in my life. Illness, sadness, confusion, maybe a friend of mine’s right, I’ve a tendency to take in the lost. I insist on fixing people. And yet in the end I realize that…
Reaching out is quite difficult if one is not sure if one is welcome. I’ve been told and have come to accept that sometimes, some are better left alone. They will be able to fend for themselves as they have done in the past, withdrawing from my offer of consolation.
I’m also not able to correct a misconception if there ever was since I know it would complicate things more. If only I could hold hands of everybody all at the same time, ask factions to make up, forget past conflicts. But it’s no business of mine really and choices have been made. I have abided by my principle to not interfere, however I was (almost?) wrongfully blamed for saying something. Not true.
I will keep silent still. Be kind. Try to be like Mom by this. I’m at a phase where I’m discovering who I really am and if I’m in a hurry with other parts of my life (career and studies) maybe I could pause in some other aspects, compartmentalize. Give my soul a reprieve for caring too much.
Ah. Tired soul be damned. I wish they know I’m always here for them.
lemon supernova posted @6:30 PM
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