Thursday, September 22, 2005
I confess.Journals are good to keep. It helps me keep track of my mind and find out what went wrong. For the last few days, I've read files that show what really went on with my life for the past three to four months. I've posted here a journal entry (something I do not post online coz it's just too personal) that would explain why I fell for someone like Keeper. Why, friends you may ask, why am I exposing myself this way? Coz I'm relying on you people to reel me in, in case I need to (God forbid!) be reminded again.
May 19 12:52am
“Tears shed for the wrong person are tears wasted. Be strong at all times.” said my keeper.
I’ve a theory how sometimes, overthinking somebody makes him real. This week I was already very uneasy. Yesterday night I couldn’t sleep. Knowing that you called. I tried to escape from answering the phone but I wasn’t successful. And we talked. And you gave me your new number.
And you said ily again. How could you say those things when you don’t mean them? You don’t mean to come back so why should you make up this pretense? Why do you still bother when I am trying my best to move on?
But of course that is not completely true. I am sad not because I don’t have you but because I can not find the courage in me to drive you away completely. That I have to run away from the house because my own brother reminds me of who I allowed you to become in my life. I had to ask Eldric to take me away from the apartment, go to Ortigas, spend time walking in Megamall, go to Gateway, watch Kingdom of Heaven with other V friends just to come back to the apartment in tears again. That my keeper and all the others who I once held hands with would not stay just like you never will.
What is this term you often use, "love"? The one that I suspect is already a draft note in your cellphone? What is commitment? What is right? What is wrong? What are lies? What is happiness?
Tomorrow, I'll pray hard to all heavens that I do not see you. Anymore. God knows how messed up already am. Please do not fuck with my equilibrium anymore.
See? It was all about Girlie. He and Keeper are friends.
Marisse is too fragile.
lemon supernova posted @3:35 PM
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